Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize