I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
