What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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