i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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