Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
40s are totally the cure
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
