Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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