just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
