I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
