That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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