So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
