he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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