90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
