She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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