Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
