I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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