He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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