thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
