You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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