as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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