yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
