someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize