I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
