I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize