i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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