she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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