i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize