Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
