It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
