I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
