she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's shark week go big or go home
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
