On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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