No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
