ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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