Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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