I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
