where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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