I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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