I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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