We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
