So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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