Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
