Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
