Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize