NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
