capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
