her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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