I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
