What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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