we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize