I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
