...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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