You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
