A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
