Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
