the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
