PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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