How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
