On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
