You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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