I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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