great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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