I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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