Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
