whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
