Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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