Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want to be your penis for a week.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have tasted many bathrooms
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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