i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
