Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
