i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
