I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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