But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
