I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
