i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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