Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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