i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
