Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
