i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
