Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
