Duck Duck Cougar?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
