It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
