I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
