Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
