I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
