Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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