you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
